On the Outside, looking in…

It was recently implied that I want more from my husband – That I want him to change – that there is tension so thick you could cut it with a knife…

If that is what someone else see’s – on the outside, looking in – than they really don’t know my husband and I.

I have so much respect for my husband. Not in a way where he hordes it over my head – but in a way where, I respect his opinion, I respect his choices, I respect his decisions, ultimately I respect him as a man.

My husband is gentle and kind, but he is the head of our household. My husband laughs and plays, but he also makes the big decisions for the family.

As I have watched older couples that I know – I have noticed one thing that they seem to have in common, Men need to be shown respect – I’ve learned that even when you just say the word RESPECT around men, they perk up a little bit. Now- a -days, RESPECT is not something that is highly valued, but Men do need to be shown respect. Not because they are ‘higher’then us, or better, or smarter. But Realistically, Us women, tend to react with our emotions, while a man can be a little more level headed, so their opinion can be helpful. Jim is the head of our household, but in no way does he hold it over my head, or make me feel as though I were any less of a person.

I don’t feel like my husband needs to change. Back 9 years ago, when we first started our premarital counselling – I thought My husband had some changing to do…I thought the problem was all with him, but as we talked – I realized I held alot of resentment from past relationships and my childhood that I would kind of take out on him. That was 10 years ago. My husband and I have grown and learned so much together over the years, we are 31 and 32, and were 23 and 24.5, when we got married.

I love my husband, and have so much respect for him – I was a single Mom of one, when we met 13 years ago. He was 19. He took on another persons child as his own, and loved her- like his own.

I was  appalled when it was implied that I want my husband to change – or that I am holding him back.

My husband helps out when he is home. He works alot, and has worked alot for the last few years, We also have 3 children. Our youngest is 3, When company comes over – he helps out, because he knows it is that much extra for me taking care of more people. I have an under-active thyroid, that has taken 8 years to get under control. When our youngest was born, he wouldn’t sleep for more than an hour at a time, and it got really tough! So my husband would help me, when people would invite themselves over to our house, to see the baby, and I had gotten maybe 6 hours of sleep in an entire week, that is not tension – that is him caring and helping. He helps me because he loves me and wants to make it easier for me, and also because he is gone for work most of the time, when he is home, he likes to help out! That doesn’t mean there is tension in our relationship – that means, that is what works for our family.

My husband will admit, that he helps out a little more when people are visiting. What people don’t see is what happens when they are not there – I get up at 5:30 am to make Jim’s lunch, not because I have to, but because I want to, I like knowing that he has a good lunch for the day, and that if I don’t pack him a good lunch, he’ll take all treats! I could stay in bed, or do the things in life that I want, but I want to make sure he is taken care of – my reasoning is…That if you are given the tools you need at home-such as clean clothes, warm food, love – you can accomplish your goals in life so much better.

I take out the garbage, I shovel the driveway, I do all the gardening. I used to cut the lawn, until we got a rider and now my husband cuts it. I also do all the inside work, dishes, laundry vacuuming, cleaning, cooking. When my husband gets home at night, supper is ready, he may have to bath one of our children, but other than that, his nights are mostly free – so if he has a project at home, or a friend needs a hand, he can get that done. I do most of the work in and outside the house, so when company is over and we have extra people to cook for and clean up after, he gives me a hand, and not because there is tension in our relationship…lol, but because he knows I need a hand!

I do not feel my husband needs to change and the problem is all with him. We don’t have a problem, and just because someone else see’s something on the outside, looking in – that doesn’t mean, that is what it really is like.

We, I -enjoy reading couples devotionals from our church. A few months back, I came across a really good message. As husband and wife, we are help-mates. We are designed to help eachother and work together. As husband and wife, we can also fulfill the needs of our spouse – emotionally, physically. And if we are withholding sexual relations because we are just too tired or exhausted, that is not okay either. Make the effort to give him a massage, make him feel needed. Some women may not like this, but take care of him, Us women always want to be romanced- and taken care of, but why does the man always have to start it? In Marriage, or a long-lasting relationship, Maybe us women, need to try romancing them a little bit…I mean – you make the plans, don’t rely on him to. You make the first move. Don’t wait for him to.

My husband works so hard. And I am trying to learn how to be financially fit so he can take a bit more time off work. We are learning how to budget, and set financial goals. We are learning together. When My husband and I first started dating – his entire paycheck went to drugs(Cocaine, Oxy’s)…We have come a long way in 13 years! Jim has dropped a lot of his bad habits, we have had to learn to budget together. And that’s just it – we do things together. Because we love each other, because we are married. I mean, that is the reason we’re married…Because we enjoy being together.

So yes, we do things together, as a family. When we go way for the weekend, We go as a family. When we go out for dinner, we usually go as a family. Especially as believers…The word tells us we will not be married in heaven, we will know our husband or wife, but it will not be the same as here on earth – So it’s a good idea to spend as much time together now, while we can, because in heaven we are not married.

My husband and I understand this, so we enjoy doing things together. I don’t usually go way for a night or two with the kids, by myself, we go together. We are not only husband and wife, but best friends. Seriously. I tell him everything. He tells me things that he only shares with his wife( which is me!LOL) I respect and love him, he loves, respects and cares for me. And what works for our relationship may be different than what works for other’s relationships! You do what works for you! And again, that is the point, people need to learn to start keeping there opinions to themselves, maybe they don’t know the whole situation, and what you see on the outside, looking in, may not be whats actually happening, Never make assumptions.

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