On the Outside, looking in…

It was recently implied that I want more from my husband – That I want him to change – that there is tension so thick you could cut it with a knife…

If that is what someone else see’s – on the outside, looking in – than they really don’t know my husband and I.

I have so much respect for my husband. Not in a way where he hordes it over my head – but in a way where, I respect his opinion, I respect his choices, I respect his decisions, ultimately I respect him as a man.

My husband is gentle and kind, but he is the head of our household. My husband laughs and plays, but he also makes the big decisions for the family.

As I have watched older couples that I know – I have noticed one thing that they seem to have in common, Men need to be shown respect – I’ve learned that even when you just say the word RESPECT around men, they perk up a little bit. Now- a -days, RESPECT is not something that is highly valued, but Men do need to be shown respect. Not because they are ‘higher’then us, or better, or smarter. But Realistically, Us women, tend to react with our emotions, while a man can be a little more level headed, so their opinion can be helpful. Jim is the head of our household, but in no way does he hold it over my head, or make me feel as though I were any less of a person.

I don’t feel like my husband needs to change. Back 9 years ago, when we first started our premarital counselling – I thought My husband had some changing to do…I thought the problem was all with him, but as we talked – I realized I held alot of resentment from past relationships and my childhood that I would kind of take out on him. That was 10 years ago. My husband and I have grown and learned so much together over the years, we are 31 and 32, and were 23 and 24.5, when we got married.

I love my husband, and have so much respect for him – I was a single Mom of one, when we met 13 years ago. He was 19. He took on another persons child as his own, and loved her- like his own.

I was  appalled when it was implied that I want my husband to change – or that I am holding him back.

My husband helps out when he is home. He works alot, and has worked alot for the last few years, We also have 3 children. Our youngest is 3, When company comes over – he helps out, because he knows it is that much extra for me taking care of more people. I have an under-active thyroid, that has taken 8 years to get under control. When our youngest was born, he wouldn’t sleep for more than an hour at a time, and it got really tough! So my husband would help me, when people would invite themselves over to our house, to see the baby, and I had gotten maybe 6 hours of sleep in an entire week, that is not tension – that is him caring and helping. He helps me because he loves me and wants to make it easier for me, and also because he is gone for work most of the time, when he is home, he likes to help out! That doesn’t mean there is tension in our relationship – that means, that is what works for our family.

My husband will admit, that he helps out a little more when people are visiting. What people don’t see is what happens when they are not there – I get up at 5:30 am to make Jim’s lunch, not because I have to, but because I want to, I like knowing that he has a good lunch for the day, and that if I don’t pack him a good lunch, he’ll take all treats! I could stay in bed, or do the things in life that I want, but I want to make sure he is taken care of – my reasoning is…That if you are given the tools you need at home-such as clean clothes, warm food, love – you can accomplish your goals in life so much better.

I take out the garbage, I shovel the driveway, I do all the gardening. I used to cut the lawn, until we got a rider and now my husband cuts it. I also do all the inside work, dishes, laundry vacuuming, cleaning, cooking. When my husband gets home at night, supper is ready, he may have to bath one of our children, but other than that, his nights are mostly free – so if he has a project at home, or a friend needs a hand, he can get that done. I do most of the work in and outside the house, so when company is over and we have extra people to cook for and clean up after, he gives me a hand, and not because there is tension in our relationship…lol, but because he knows I need a hand!

I do not feel my husband needs to change and the problem is all with him. We don’t have a problem, and just because someone else see’s something on the outside, looking in – that doesn’t mean, that is what it really is like.

We, I -enjoy reading couples devotionals from our church. A few months back, I came across a really good message. As husband and wife, we are help-mates. We are designed to help eachother and work together. As husband and wife, we can also fulfill the needs of our spouse – emotionally, physically. And if we are withholding sexual relations because we are just too tired or exhausted, that is not okay either. Make the effort to give him a massage, make him feel needed. Some women may not like this, but take care of him, Us women always want to be romanced- and taken care of, but why does the man always have to start it? In Marriage, or a long-lasting relationship, Maybe us women, need to try romancing them a little bit…I mean – you make the plans, don’t rely on him to. You make the first move. Don’t wait for him to.

My husband works so hard. And I am trying to learn how to be financially fit so he can take a bit more time off work. We are learning how to budget, and set financial goals. We are learning together. When My husband and I first started dating – his entire paycheck went to drugs(Cocaine, Oxy’s)…We have come a long way in 13 years! Jim has dropped a lot of his bad habits, we have had to learn to budget together. And that’s just it – we do things together. Because we love each other, because we are married. I mean, that is the reason we’re married…Because we enjoy being together.

So yes, we do things together, as a family. When we go way for the weekend, We go as a family. When we go out for dinner, we usually go as a family. Especially as believers…The word tells us we will not be married in heaven, we will know our husband or wife, but it will not be the same as here on earth – So it’s a good idea to spend as much time together now, while we can, because in heaven we are not married.

My husband and I understand this, so we enjoy doing things together. I don’t usually go way for a night or two with the kids, by myself, we go together. We are not only husband and wife, but best friends. Seriously. I tell him everything. He tells me things that he only shares with his wife( which is me!LOL) I respect and love him, he loves, respects and cares for me. And what works for our relationship may be different than what works for other’s relationships! You do what works for you! And again, that is the point, people need to learn to start keeping there opinions to themselves, maybe they don’t know the whole situation, and what you see on the outside, looking in, may not be whats actually happening, Never make assumptions.


Continuing with our Easter Study: I have been a little sick with the flu and a terrible sinus cold, for the last few weeks, so I haven’t been able to get on here to write anything very often! But I thought there were a few important parts that could be discussed about the Final version in the Gospels of Jesus’ death and resurrection. I have shared about The Death and Resurrection of Jesus- the Saviour, from Luke(22-24), The Death and Resurrection of Jesus – the Servant, from Mark(14-16), The Death and Resurrection of Jesus – the King, from Matthew and now I would like to share from John(18-27) and his version of The Death and resurrection of Jesus – Jesus completes his Mission.

“Then Jesus told him, ‘You believe because you have seen me, blessed are those who believe without seeing me.”  JOHN 20:29

Jesus wasn’t hard on Thomas for his doubts. Despite his skepticism, Thomas was still loyal to the believers and to Jesus himself. Some people need to doubt before they believe. If doubt leads to questions, and questions lead to answers, and if the answers are accepted, than doubt has done good work. It is when doubt becomes stubbornness and stubbornness becomes a prideful lifestyle, that doubt harms faith. When you doubt, don’t stop there. Let your doubt, deepen your faith, as you continue to search for the answer.         STUDY NOTE: NLT STUDY BIBLE  John 20:25-28

‘Jesus also did many other things. If they were all written down, I suppose the whole world could not contain the books that would be written.’ JOHN 21:25

Johns stated purpose for writing his Gospel was to show that Jesus was the Son of God ( 20:31). He clearly and systematically presented the evidence for Jesus’ claims. When evidence is presented in the courtroom, those who hear it must make a choice. Those who read the Gospel of John must also make a choice – Is Jesus the Son of God, or isn’t he? You are the jury, the evidence has been clearly presented. You must decide. Read Johns Gospel to get a better view.                    STUDY NOTE: NLT STUDY BIBLE – John 21:25


THE SIX STAGES OF JESUS’ TRIAL: Although Jesus’ trial lasted less than 18 hours,                                                                         he was taken to 6 different hearings.


Preliminary Hearing before Annas(John 18:12-24) – Because the office of the high priest was for life, Annas was still the ‘official’ high priest in the eyes of the Jews, even though the Romans had appointed another. Thus, Annas still carried much weight in the high council.

Hearing before Caiaphas(Matthew 26:57-68) – Like the hearing before Annas, this hearing was conducted at night in secrecy. It was full of illegalities that made a mockery of justice.


Trial before the High Council(Matthew 27:1-2) – Just after daybreak, 70 members of the High Council met to ‘rubber-stamp’ their approval of the previous hearing to make them appear legal. The purpose of this trial was not to determine justice, but to justify their own preconceptions of Jesus’ guilt.

First Hearing before Pilate(Luke 23:1-5) – The religious leaders had condemned Jesus to death on religious grounds, but only the Roman government could grant the death penalty. Thus, they took Jesus to Pilate, the Roman governor, and accused him of treason and rebellion, crimes for which the Roman government gave the death penalty. Pilate saw at once that Jesus was innocent, but he was afraid about the uproar being caused by the religious leaders.

Hearing Before Herod( Luke 23:6-12) – Because Jesus’ home was in the region of Galilee, Pilate sent Jesus to Herod Antipas, the ruler of Galilee, who was in Jerusalem for the Passover Celebration. Herod was eager to see Jesus do a miracle, but when Jesus remained silent, Herod wanted nothing to do with him and sent him back to Pilate.

Last Hearing Before Pilate( Luke 23:13-25) – Pilate didn’t like the religious leaders. He wasn’t interested in condemning Jesus because he knew Jesus was innocent. However, he knew that another uprising in his district might cost him his job. First he tried to compromise with the religious leaders by having Jesus beaten, an illegal action in itself. But finally he gave in and handed Jesus over to be executed. Pilate’s self-interest was stronger than his sense of justice.



An Easter Story…Part 3


‘Peter swore, “A curse on me if I’m lying – I don’t know the man” and immediately the rooster crowed. Suddenly, Jesus’ words flashed through Peters mind : “Before the rooster crows, you will deny three times that you even know me.” And Peter went away, weeping bitterly.’      MATTHEW 26:74-75

When Jesus entered Peters life, this plain fisherman became a new person with new goals and new priorities. He did not become a perfect person however, and he never stopped being Simon-Peter. We  may wonder what Jesus saw in Simon that made him greet this potential disciple with a new name: Peter- “the rock”. Impulsive Peter certainly didn’t act like a rock much of the time. But when Jesus chose his followers, he wasn’t looking for models; he was looking for real people. He chose people who could be changed by his love, and then sent them out to communicate that this acceptance was available to anyone – even to those who often fail. We may wonder what Jesus see’s in us when he calls us to follow him. But we know Jesus accepted Peter, and in spite of his failures, Peter went on to do great things for God. Are you willing to keep following Jesus, even when you fail? STUDY NOTE: MATTHEW 26

‘Then Jesus shouted out again, and he released his spirit. At that moment the curtain in the sanctuary of the temple was torn in two, from top to bottom. The earth shook, rocks split apart, the bodies of many godly men and women who had died were raised from the dead. They left the cemetery after Jesus’ resurrection, went into the Holy city of Jerusalem, and appeared to many people.’   MATTHEW 27:50-53

Christs death was accompanied by at least four miraculous events: Darkness, The tearing in two of the curtain in the temple, An earthquake, And dead people rising from their tombs. Jesus death therefore, could not have gone unnoticed. Everyone knew something significant had happened.    STUDY NOTE: NLT STUDY BIBLE – MATTHEW 27:52, 53


An Easter Story…Part 2


‘It was 9 o’clock in the morning when they crucified him.’ MARK 15:25

‘At noon, darkness fell across the whole land until 3 o’clock. Then at 3 o’clock Jesus called out with a loud voice, ” Eloi, Eloi, lem sabachthani?” which means ” My God, My God, why have you abandoned me?”‘  MARK 15:33-34

Jesus did not ask this question in surprise or despair. He was quoting the first line of Psalm 22. The whole psalm is a prophecy expressing the deep agony of the Messiah’s death for the worlds sins. Jesus knew that he would be temporarily separated from God the moment he took upon himself the sins of the world. This separation was what he had dreaded as he prayed in Gethsemane. The physical agony was horrible, but the spiritual alienation from God was the ultimate torture.     STUDY NOTE: NLT STUDY BIBLE ~ Mark 15:34

‘Then Jesus uttered another loud cry and breathed his last. And the curtain in the sanctuary of the temple was torn in two, from top to bottom.’  MARK 15:37-38

A heavy curtain hung in front of the temple room called The Most Holy Place. A place reserved by God, for himself. Symbolically, the curtain separated a Holy God from a sinful people. The room was entered only once a year, on The Day of Atonement, by the high priest as he made a sacrifice to gain forgiveness for the sins of all the people. When Jesus died, the curtain was torn in two, showing that his death for our sins had opened up the way for us to approach our Holy God. Read Hebrews 9 for a more complete explanation: STUDY NOTE: MARK 15:37-38

I will continue with HEBREWS 9, after our Easter Study.

Stay tuned for Matthews Version of the Resurrection next.


An Easter Story…

There are four versions in the Gospel of Jesus’ Death and Resurrection.

The Death and Resurrection of Jesus, The King ~ Matthew 26-28

The Death and Resurrection of Jesus, The Servant ~ Mark 14-16

The Death and resurrection of Jesus, The Savior ~ Luke 22-24

Jesus completes his Mission ~ John 18-27


Joseph takes Jesus’ Body to the tomb(Friday) –

The Sabbath, was the Saturday.( From Sundown on Friday until Sundown on Saturday)

Early Sunday Morning – The women realize Jesus body is no longer in the tomb.

‘Two of Jesus’ followers were walking to Emmaus, 7 miles from Jerusalem. As they walked along they were talking about everything that happened. As they talked and discussed theses things, Jesus himself suddenly came and began walking with them.”  LUKE 24:14-15

The two followers returning to Emmaus at first missed the significance of history’s greatest event because they were too focused on their disappointments and problems. In fact, they didn’t recognize Jesus when he was walking beside them. To compound the problem, they were walking in the wrong direction! – Away from the fellowship of believers in Jerusalem. We are likely to miss Jesus and withdraw from the strength found in other believers when we become preoccupied with our own dashed hopes and frustrated plans. Only when we are looking for Jesus in our midst will we experience the power and help he can bring.”   STUDY NOTE: NLT STUDY BIBLE – Luke 24:13




Enjoying the good things…

In opposition to the false teachers, Paul affirmed that everything God created is GOOD ( see Genesis 1).

We should ask for Gods blessing on his created gifts that give us pleasure and thank him for them. This doesn’t mean we should abuse what God has made ( For example: gluttony abuses Gods gift of good food, Lust abuses Gods gift of love, and murder abuses Gods gift of life). Instead of abusing, we should enjoy these gifts by using them to serve and honor God. Have you thanked God for the good gifts he has given? Are you using the gifts in ways pleasing to you and to God?  NLT (STUDY NOTE: 1 Timothy 4:4-5)

‘Now, the Holy Spirit tells us clearly that in the last days some will turn away from the true faith; they will follow deceptive spirits and teachings that come from demons. These people are hypocrites and liars and their consciences are dead. They will say it is wrong to be married and wrong to eat certain foods. But God created those foods to be eaten with thanks by faithful people who know the truth. Since everything God created is good, we should not reject any of it, but receive it with thanks. For we know it is made acceptable by the word of God and prayer.’                    1 Timothy 4:4-5 NLT

This was my bible study for today, It has always been a goal of mine to read the entire bible. At the back of my study bible – there is a little study guide – READ THE BIBLE IN A YEAR – and it gives you a verse to read everyday for the whole year.  So my apologies if I seem to start and stop at different areas with my study…I stick to the verse my bible study assigns for that day.  And then meditate on that verse and maybe the questions from the study guide –

Have you thanked God for the Good Gifts he has given? Are you using the gifts in ways pleasing to you and to God?

Questions I will be working on…